Daily Update
Aug. 31st, 2024 09:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrimettPain level - High
Sucked up all my courage and went grocery shopping today. There's a place I go where sometimes I can find really good deals, like half-priced meat that's actually still good quality. So I took $100 (the only money I have right now, so I might as well spend it on food) and stocked up on meatballs and salmon trimmings and a couple of steaks, and a few extra loaves of bread that went into the freezer so they'll stay good longer. It's getting harder and harder to buy decent groceries for prices that aren't outrageous, and I have to look hard and be very selective about what I buy, but I'm able to get by, even if some times can be tougher than others.
I spent most of the rest of the day reading, and also trying to not fall asleep. I've pushed myself well past my limits, I think, and have ignored the warning signs along the way. I need to take better care of myself. I still fall into the "healthy person" mindset, even though I'm not a healthy person. I have a chronic illness. I'm disabled. Just because most of my days are spent on a couch watching TV and embroidering doesn't mean I'm actually resting. Sitting up takes energy. Focusing on a pattern takes energy. Moving my arms and hands takes energy. And I might not feel the drain at first, but eventually it all creeps up on me and I get more and more signs that I should stop, but my mind tells me, "No, it's fine, it's a blip. You don't do anything that should tire you out, so you can just keep going."
My brain is a liar. I'm doing plenty that tires me out. It just wouldn't tired out a healthy person.
You'd think after being disabled for so long, I'd have figured this all out by now. But no. Dynamic disabilities are a real pain in the ass in that way.
Sucked up all my courage and went grocery shopping today. There's a place I go where sometimes I can find really good deals, like half-priced meat that's actually still good quality. So I took $100 (the only money I have right now, so I might as well spend it on food) and stocked up on meatballs and salmon trimmings and a couple of steaks, and a few extra loaves of bread that went into the freezer so they'll stay good longer. It's getting harder and harder to buy decent groceries for prices that aren't outrageous, and I have to look hard and be very selective about what I buy, but I'm able to get by, even if some times can be tougher than others.
I spent most of the rest of the day reading, and also trying to not fall asleep. I've pushed myself well past my limits, I think, and have ignored the warning signs along the way. I need to take better care of myself. I still fall into the "healthy person" mindset, even though I'm not a healthy person. I have a chronic illness. I'm disabled. Just because most of my days are spent on a couch watching TV and embroidering doesn't mean I'm actually resting. Sitting up takes energy. Focusing on a pattern takes energy. Moving my arms and hands takes energy. And I might not feel the drain at first, but eventually it all creeps up on me and I get more and more signs that I should stop, but my mind tells me, "No, it's fine, it's a blip. You don't do anything that should tire you out, so you can just keep going."
My brain is a liar. I'm doing plenty that tires me out. It just wouldn't tired out a healthy person.
You'd think after being disabled for so long, I'd have figured this all out by now. But no. Dynamic disabilities are a real pain in the ass in that way.