Daily Update
Sep. 4th, 2024 07:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
adrimettPain level - Moderate
Sometimes, in an effort to find more of a community on here, I browse random journals that list similar interests, as one does. But then I get phenomenally intimidated by the fact that a lot of them have hundreds upon hundreds of back-entries, and I'd feel weird about following them based on only a couple of recent entries; I feel like I ought to read so much more of what they talk about before I can justify adding them. But that takes a lot of time, and effort, and then I just get dispirited about it all and wonder if there's a point. Maybe I should just keep writing to myself, first and foremost.
I suppose I miss the blogging days of yore, when I used to have an easy time making friends and building a community because blogging was what we all did. No microblogging on social media, no Youtube or Tiktok or Twitch, just lots of writing and talking and commenting. Most people don't really do that anymore. I supposed it's all just the old fogeys of the Internet who keep up the practice now.
I miss the days of endless fanfic inspiration, of getting deeply into a video game or movie or book and just letting that be my life for a while. Staying up late because why shouldn't I? Being older now, and with limited time and energy reserves, I often feel like I need to budget my time wisely. If I spend time writing fanfic (writing anything, really, but I do miss being involved in fandom sometimes), then that pulls time away from reading. If I let my semi-obsessive nature out and spend 3 months deep-diving into a video game, then that's 3 months of not enjoying horror movies on the weekend, or not making progress on any art projects. Trying to prioritize the few most important things means everything else falls by the wayside.
I guess what it comes down to isn't me missing how the Internet used to be. It's missing how I used to be. When I could do all these things without a problem. If I had the mental and physical space for it, I could probably make videos for Youtube, stream games, make silly Tiktoks, binge-watch TV shows and write what-if fanfics about things that spark my interest, because I also want to do those things too. Blogging is easier, but it's not all I think I'd be capable of, if I weren't bogged down by chronic illness concerns.
Plus blogging like this, purely personal blogging where nobody's really concerned about the concept of Regular Content, means that if I get sick or tired or injured and don't do something on schedule, I don't feel like I'm letting an audience down. There's no attempted career riding on my ramblings here. I've seen people take breaks from content creation and come back to find that they practically have to build up their audience again. Not from scratch, but they didn't stay where they were before taking that break. People grew bored of the lack of content and went elsewhere, found new places to get what they were looking for. And that's fine. There's a lot out there, for lots of people. But it sucks knowing that the many things people say you can do from home, no matter what, and maybe build a career from, aren't things you can really stop doing if that career is what you're aiming for.
The Internet feels both too big and too small some days. I miss when that wasn't the case, too.
Phew, I sure am introspective this week! Maybe I need to talk a long walk and exhaust myself so that I stop being so concerned with the things I can't help.
Sometimes, in an effort to find more of a community on here, I browse random journals that list similar interests, as one does. But then I get phenomenally intimidated by the fact that a lot of them have hundreds upon hundreds of back-entries, and I'd feel weird about following them based on only a couple of recent entries; I feel like I ought to read so much more of what they talk about before I can justify adding them. But that takes a lot of time, and effort, and then I just get dispirited about it all and wonder if there's a point. Maybe I should just keep writing to myself, first and foremost.
I suppose I miss the blogging days of yore, when I used to have an easy time making friends and building a community because blogging was what we all did. No microblogging on social media, no Youtube or Tiktok or Twitch, just lots of writing and talking and commenting. Most people don't really do that anymore. I supposed it's all just the old fogeys of the Internet who keep up the practice now.
I miss the days of endless fanfic inspiration, of getting deeply into a video game or movie or book and just letting that be my life for a while. Staying up late because why shouldn't I? Being older now, and with limited time and energy reserves, I often feel like I need to budget my time wisely. If I spend time writing fanfic (writing anything, really, but I do miss being involved in fandom sometimes), then that pulls time away from reading. If I let my semi-obsessive nature out and spend 3 months deep-diving into a video game, then that's 3 months of not enjoying horror movies on the weekend, or not making progress on any art projects. Trying to prioritize the few most important things means everything else falls by the wayside.
I guess what it comes down to isn't me missing how the Internet used to be. It's missing how I used to be. When I could do all these things without a problem. If I had the mental and physical space for it, I could probably make videos for Youtube, stream games, make silly Tiktoks, binge-watch TV shows and write what-if fanfics about things that spark my interest, because I also want to do those things too. Blogging is easier, but it's not all I think I'd be capable of, if I weren't bogged down by chronic illness concerns.
Plus blogging like this, purely personal blogging where nobody's really concerned about the concept of Regular Content, means that if I get sick or tired or injured and don't do something on schedule, I don't feel like I'm letting an audience down. There's no attempted career riding on my ramblings here. I've seen people take breaks from content creation and come back to find that they practically have to build up their audience again. Not from scratch, but they didn't stay where they were before taking that break. People grew bored of the lack of content and went elsewhere, found new places to get what they were looking for. And that's fine. There's a lot out there, for lots of people. But it sucks knowing that the many things people say you can do from home, no matter what, and maybe build a career from, aren't things you can really stop doing if that career is what you're aiming for.
The Internet feels both too big and too small some days. I miss when that wasn't the case, too.
Phew, I sure am introspective this week! Maybe I need to talk a long walk and exhaust myself so that I stop being so concerned with the things I can't help.
no subject
on 2024-09-05 10:37 am (UTC)Then again, I don't want to be an immortal chronically ill person. That would suck!